there is a willow grows aslant the brook... [entries|friends|calendar] CHRIS [ website | My Website ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

i fail. [10 Aug 2005|11:48am] [ mood | i'm sorry LJ!! ] [ music | The Reindeer Section--Your Sweet Voice ] i have converted. damn you xanga, i thought i would never be sucked to the dark side of blogging, but it is true. i have let myself get sucked into the current of connections and my xanga now gets updated more than my livejournal. i'm sorry baby, i always loved you. you will always have a special place in my heart. in the meantime, folks who are interested in what's going on in my life can check out my xanga. =( 4 comments|post comment

thanks for helping me kill time, megan. [11 Jun 2005|03:48pm] [ mood | sleepy sluggish saturday ] [ music | broken telephone--The Be Good Tanyas ] The Keys to Your Heart You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. What Are The Keys To Your Heart? What You Really Think Of Your Friends Anna is your soulmate. You truly love Katrina. You consider Isaac your true friend. You know that Anika is always thinking of you. You'll remember Hannah for the rest of your life. You secretly think Sara is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times. You secretly think that Nick is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker. You secretly think that Simeon is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Simeon changes lovers faster than underwear. You secretly think Chriss is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Chriss has a hidden internet romance. What Do You Think of Your Friends? Your #1 Love Type: ENFP The Inspirer In love, you are passionate and eager to develop a strong bond. For you, sex should be playful, creative, and affectionate. Overall, you are perceptive and bring out the best in your partner. However, you tend to hold on to bad relationships after they've turned bad. Best matches: INTJ and INFJ What's Your Love Type? 1 comment|post comment

a spoonfull of sugar helps the late updates go down in the most delightful way [15 Apr 2005|02:47am] [ mood | mrrrrr. ] [ music | Damien Rice--Eskimo ] uh, yeah. haven't updated in a while. i'm up and down. the most recent chapter of my biography is entitled: life as a rollercoaster. things are great, i hate my life, i love the world, god hates me...this is how it goes. i'm confused, i'm crystal clear, i'm treading water, i'm drowning, i'm passing, i'm failing... and my parents (who read this =P HI MOM AND DAD!!) are coming tomorrow morning. Getting in on the train. I just don't know if i can take anymore. Jeebus. well, i felt like i really needed to say something to satiate curious minds who want to know... alright well, i'll leave you all with my three biggest hopes (in no particular order): 1. that i will find a good job in goshen so i can live with anika and chriss over the summer 2. that i will get good grades in my classes from this semester 3. that [insert the bane's name here] would fall madly in love with me and not leave okay, that's it! have a good one. post comment

my life now, in 300 words or less. [05 Apr 2005|05:12pm] [ mood | pretending not to be stressed ] [ music | birds are chirping...it's spring! ] So...it's been a bit. One-act rehearsals are going better than they used to...classes are going SLIGHTLY better than before, my room is clean...i have a sinus infection that will not go away despite my loyalty to amoxicillin, which the health center gives out like candy. i have the week off of work, which is a nice chance to catch up, though i used all of yesterday to sleep because my body refused to work--i felt rather nastilly ill yesterday. woke up about 6am with racking body coughs...no fun. Certain people have brought unlikely brightness to my life, quite unexpectedly. I've been able to be happier than I've felt in a long time which is great. Other than that, life is life, and I'm managing...when i forget how stressed out i am. So if you've missed me, i've been around, just busy and sick...as always anyone can give me a call anytime. i have my cell phone with me now much more than before so that's the best way to reach me. love. post comment

how do you score? [20 Mar 2005|08:20pm] [ mood | mrrrr. ] [ music | the beeping of the rubber house microwave ] Bourbon Congratulations! You're 118 proof, with specific scores in beer (80) , wine (100), and liquor (69). Screw all that namby-pamby chick stuff, you're going straight for the bottle and a shot glass! It'll take more than a few shots of Wild Turkey or 99 Bananas before you start seeing pink elephants. You know how to handle your alcohol, and yourself at parties. My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender : You scored higher than 57% on proof You scored higher than 93% on beer index You scored higher than 96% on wine index You scored higher than 88% on liquor index Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on Ok Cupid 1 comment|post comment

the belated updated [20 Mar 2005|05:56pm] [ mood | whatever. ] [ music | Edith Piaf--Les Hiboux ] wow, i suck. i'm terrible at updating. but here one is, sorry for the wait: --my hair=red. --vagina monologues went swimmingly well, we sold out, and made over $1000 for Victim's Assistance --i have been double cast for the one acts this spring. i'm the only actress in two shows, which may end up being the death of me (or at least my social life) for the next month. i'm in Alburn's play "The Pleasure of Detachment" and Cassie's play "Overtones" --Alburn and Cassie didn't write them, they're directing. both main roles. it should be wicked fun and make me absolutely ridiculously busy. but oh well. --i am again working at Merit Learning Center, and everyone's excited to have me back. working again is great for my bank account, but sucky for the flexibility of my schedule. --my car ('86 subaru wagon, aka little blue wonder terd) should be done within the next week. i was told it should be done yesterday, but apparently a gasket needs to be made for it, so that could take a while. i'm getting annoyed at the lengthy wait for my very necessary vehicle, especially since i've already paid for it. boo. --i was getting a C in Ceramics, but i will not keep it that way. --i didn't go to my oral comm class at all last week. yay for a nancy ryan nussbaum-less week. i would highly recommend a nancy ryan nussbaum-less life if at all possible. i have to write and give a speech on tuesday though. mrrr. --i auditioned to be a jazz singer with the jazz band for their next concert, and sonny was really impressed and excited about me and my singing, wanting to perform the song i auditioned with, asking me if i would be willing to play the piano with a rhythm section as i sang in case he couldn't find the music for it somewhere...wondering if i had a lavender dress, if i had problems with mics or spotlights...so if i get chosen (i find out this Wednesday) i will be busy with that too, and i think the concert is the same weekend as the weekend of the one act performances. April 15-17. --I was going to work for GC as a PR web assistant, but i no longer have the time. --i really really need to clean my room. it's getting out of control. i haven't slept in it since last Sunday--Rubber House is just a lot more fun to be at and a lot cleaner of a place to sleep. --crap, i have an exam in my European History class on wednesday. I'm going to need to study for that. --i'm most likely going to Chicago for Easter break. see the family(uncle, aunt, cousin), see my new friend Catherine, and bring Chriss with me. should be fun. --i have to pee. so this is all. post comment

oh for the love of... [02 Mar 2005|09:09pm] [ mood | happy...overwhelmed...yay! ] [ music | my heart beating rapidly ] !!!!!!!! wow. so i'm home and i definitely should have updated by now. holy CRAP. today has been awesome. but shit! i don't know what to freakin do with myself sometimes. BACKTRACK: Driving school, Saturday February 26, 8:00am. HI-larious, even though it was a complete waste of time. Well maybe not complete, but i'll get to that in a second. Our teacher was DEFINITELY a Virginian, through and through. The accent, the mannerisms, the poor grammar. He was from Broadway, so yeah. I took quotes: "you was asleep when it happened." "not put no thought into it." "say the alphalbet" "a lotta people's intoxicated" "curves and hee-ls" "over-keel" "sigh-reen" "your arms is gonna have a fabric burn on it." "pedestrian did not make it. tractor-trailer won." "your little laboratory--better known as your stomach--" "some people can recite Shakespeare but when they get up out of their chair they fall flat on their face." "--and this has nothing to do with driving..." "driver B is just a hazard waiting to happen" "three-quarters of the body is below the belt" "adding following distance adding following distance adding following distance" "GM came out with a seatbelt that they thought was gonna change a lot of things" "it's coming out fast and furious" "that will fool you if you let it" "the number one thing that kills people with seat belts on are people not wearing seat belts" from one of many cheesy movies we were forced to watch: (in reference to schoolbuses) "i always seem to run into them" "and i try not to mow down kids or animals either" and according to our instructor, it takes about 15 minutes to get a ticket. ...unless it's 2am in a dead West VA town with fuckheads for cops. then it takes over 45 minutes. *grumble* anyway, hilarious. easy as shit too. but yeah i went to waffle house for the lunch break alone, with a book (The Cheese Monkeys--EVERYONE should read it. it's great) and i sat at the bar since the booths are reserved for 2 or more "patrons" and started rolling myself a peach cigarette in my roller. the guys sitting next to me thought it was amazing. a guy two seats over with beautiful eyes interrupted me from my reading to ask me about it and talk to me...apparently he is/was jewish and spent some time in Israel/Palestine as well, has lived all over the world (and yet somehow ends up in Harrisonburg, VA for a couple nights) and we get to talking, i explain i roll my own because it's cheaper and because i feel bad for spending money on killing myself and my voice since i'm a singer, blahdeeblah, and when he and his friend leave, he gives me half a pack of Marlboro lights with a lighter in it "For the starving artist." Awesome. I come back from the lunch break and the instructor and this guy two seats over in driving school are talking Mennonites. I end up talking to the guy and apparently he's a senior at EMU majoring in camping rec whatever--the same thing Lindsay graduated with last year. He was in there, ironically enough, because he too was going 42 in a 25. Ha. But apparently his going to school meant he didn't have to pay for the ticket, just the $60 court fee. Grrr. ANYway, in the course of our chit chat it comes out that I'm playing at Common Grounds on thursday the 3rd, and he says "oh, so YOU'RE the one"--apparently when they asked me to play they were kicking out someone already scheduled so i could play while i was home for spring break. So he plays guitar and stuff too...anyway. At the end, he asks me how long i was going to be in town, and i said through the next weekend...so he asks me if i want to go out for coffee or something sometime. I say sure, and give him my cell phone number...It was a good day. Driving school was not all for naught. So Patrick (the guy from driving school) calls me this evening and we're going to the Dodger in a few minutes. Checking my e-mail just before updating, I get blown away by a couple e-mails, both from guys, both saying really wonderful things to me--one from my ex who i had dinner with the other night, and the other from a guy at school...good lord. I am overwhelmed with happy vibes. Not to mention Nate Bruce was in town the other night as well and so i got to see him again. Good times. OH and today I got the title, registration, and plates for the car my parents are buying for me from Julian, treated Sara and Amber to waffle house in the morning, and then drove them around Keezletown--where my heart is, what i'm referring to when i say i'm going "home" even though i've never lived in Keezletown. It's sad that Hannah, Molly, Erin, etc are not home now. I miss them. I also missed the Greenwood contra last Sunday because I slept too late =P. It's not looking as though I will get to contra dance while i'm home. Crap. Oh well, there will be other times. Alright well I best get going. I just had to write. Love to you all. Hope the rest of you Goshenites are having a great spring break. xoxo. 1 comment|post comment

thump bump, hump of crap. [17 Feb 2005|08:48pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Nickel Creek--Out of the Woods ] shit. i'm a blob of nothing. i do nothing. i feel practically nothing. i eat practically nothing. i sleep a lot. i did make some Vagina Monologue posters today...and i went to my 9:30 class... blah. i just feel like i have nothing worth writing about. i guess i could write that i'm in my own room now, Yoder 317--the asylum. crazy out, crazy in. chriss' old room, chris's new room. it will be weird sleeping without someone in the top bunk, i never liked it much when anna was gone for the night...but it's really nice to have my own space. it's still a bit weird. i miss my sister. i miss my dad. i miss darin. i miss hannah. i miss clifftop. i miss my old self. i miss being somewhat normal for being myself. i want to have a boyfriend who i've been dating for a long time and who i feel completely comfortable with and who will wrap me in his arms and just hold me. and love me and kiss me no matter what weird-ass state i'm in. i wish for a thing that cannot be. well it's off to thump with sara. that's all for now i suppose. 8 comments|post comment

random acts of...me. [09 Feb 2005|07:59pm] [ mood | this day was okay. ] [ music | The Shins--Caring is Creepy ] so megan posted a link to the McSweeney's letter page, where ben got a letter posted. I read it (nice work ben, if you ever read this) but i kept browsing the page, and stumbled across a letter. I couldn't get it out of my mind, so I decided to check out the author's website, and ended up in a random act of courage and spontaneity writing him an e-mail. It went like this: ------------------------ Mr. Elliott-- This is the most unlikely e-mail I think I've ever written in my entire life. I happened to be reading the McSweeney's letter page because my friend's boyfriend got a letter published there (if you care, it's the one about blowing into a dog's face, about two above your letter on the page). I tend to be quite ADD when it comes to browsing the net but your letter, despite its length and lack of direct connection to me and my interests, kept my attention. I haven't read any of your books (yet) but I really appreciated your fresh, honest, and articulate way of presenting a vivid snapshot of life. I'm certainly not at a point in my life where I can identify whatsoever with your letter but somehow it's stuck with me. I even read it aloud to a friend of mine, who also appreciated your style. The whole discovery of the letter and its lingering in my consciousness was just so unexpected--a strange hiccough in the ebb and flow of my daily life that I guess I needed some way to wrap it up and put it away. So I am writing you this strange, inconsequential, random e-mail between classes. For whatever it's worth. I'm also interested in which of your books you would recommend that I read first. It might help to know a bit about myself to make a more educated recommendation (and for my e-mail to be either more or less weird, depending on how you feel about personal interaction). As far as political persuasions I swing far more to the left. I'm a Peace, Justice & Conflict studies & Vocal Performance double major at Goshen College. I enjoy reading nearly anything that keeps me turning pages, either through engaging writing style or an intriguing plot. I could list favorite authors but that would take too long. The next book on my reading list is "Choke" by Chuck Palahniuk. The last book i read for leisure was Orlando" by Virginia Woolf. Well if you've actually read the entirety of this e-mail I've wasted enough of your time already. Best wishes, and keep writing. Sincerely, Chris Kniss -------------------- lo and behold, he writes back less than a half an hour later! -------------------- Hi Chris, That's very nice of you. I have two books I would recommend, but they're both very different. My book about the 2004 election, Looking Forward To It, is funny and political and liberal. My novel, Happy Baby, is dark and sparse and very sexual. For me, I guess, Happy Baby is my favorite book. But then it's very sad. If you don't like sad books and you prefer high energy non-fiction then you would maybe like Looking Forward To It. They're both out in paperback and available pretty much everywhere. It's very kind of you to write. I appreciate it. Steve -------------------- crazy. if you're interested in reading the story, go to http://www.mcsweeneys.net/letters/ and scroll down until you find the letter written by Stephen Elliott dated 28 Feb. I'd recommend it. If you want to check out Steve's stuff you can go to his website http://www.stephenelliott.com/ anyway. so that was one weird thing that happened today. and i'm officially taking my meds. that's all. 1 comment|post comment

i am a tard [07 Feb 2005|12:51am] [ mood | i hate tests. ] [ music | Zero 7--In The Waiting Line ] well so since i've got this big european history test tomorrow that i should keep studying for (i've been at it for the past 2 hours) instead i'm going to update my journal. because, i'm just that smart. a break is needed though, my brain can't handle this. everytime i start being able to wrap my brain around a concept or retain some information my brain freaks out because of the huge amounts of information i need to be able to wrap my brain around and retain--and then spit back out tomorrow. so i unfocus from the concept or part of the chronology i was working with to get stressed out about the enormity of the task i am trying to tackle and i get not very far. 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. slow goings with my new ADD/inability to freakin concentrate. but this academic handicap should not persist much longer. i am starting on meds tomorrow probably that should help me function a lot more normally while i'm dealing with all this shit that has fallen on my plate and is not going away. but starting on meds means no more drinking. it will be different but i think it won't be too terribly hard, especially with such harsh repercussions if i do drink, which i will not. sortof blows my valentine's date with a bottle of wine, though. damn singlehood on freakin couple's day. and so many of my friends are in relationships! yarg. it shouldn't bother me but the fact that i am very single and not even close to anything/anyone in the romantic way will just be illuminated and the pain will just be exascerbated and i will have one more reason to feel like shit and mope around all the time. and i won't be able to look forward to some wine to keep me company. hopefully i'll find some other distraction. also, i will probably be getting my own room soon, because of some GC policies about an aspect/symptom of my situation, and because it's helpful for me right now to have a place i can go and be away from all the smiling, happy, loud people and just be still. to have a place where i don't have to be around anyone if i don't want to. this will happen sometime after this next Wednesday when dean of student life returns from some conference and we can deal with this. i'm not looking forward to a third meeting with her, but then again this visit could also further explain the previous meetings i've had with her. whatever, it needs to happen. okay, i need to either sleep or keep studying, so i will kick myself off the computer. but i want to add that the garden state soundtrack kicks ass. seriously. get your hands on it. this music will change your life. 2 comments|post comment

It's not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball [01 Feb 2005|11:30pm] [ mood | . ] [ music | Iron & Wine--Cinder and Smoke ] i probably shouldn't be updating right now, but i feel muted by my misery. i feel like shit. i feel disgusting, worthless...desperate. i want to be alone in the mountains, weaving through motherly, beautiful trees in a perfect woods, silence but for the sounds of the forest and the sound of my bare feet on the earth. i want wings. i want to feel at peace, to be content, to have joy--not just be "happy", i want to taste sweet, pure air. i want to hear music i can't sing. i want to sing without using my voice. i want to be the beautiful, amazing, captivating, mysterious, perfect woman that everyone falls in love with immediately, including myself. i want to love myself. i so badly want to not want so badly to be thin with bigger breasts and clear skin. i want someone to be in love with me forever. i want to be in love with someone forever. (note: i use the term "in love" because i know my immediate family will love me forever, and i will love them forever. especially my dad, not because the love is greater, but because it is more tangible for me. this is not the love i am without and therefore crave.) i want to empty myself physically somehow because i feel that way emotionally/mentally/spiritually at this moment. i'm tired of being frustrated with myself for being "fucked up" or "depressed" or for "having issues" because it is not attractive. i am tired of being "fucked up" "depressed" and of "having issues" though, and for many reasons other than for that it's unattractive. i want my dad to hold me. and for everything to be okay. and for me not to have to wake up each morning wondering how i'm going to survive another day. 3 comments|post comment

a little bit deadlier [30 Jan 2005|08:15pm] [ mood | smiling ] [ music | Rufus Wainwright--Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk ] well i've been feeling much better as a general rule. i was able to enjoy life this weekend for the most part, had a good time at a couple parties instead of not being able to do the whole social scene and leaving early, made some new connections, played at kickoff and had a good time, i'm getting caught up with some of my schoolwork, i got another modeling request (this time for the advanced painting class--moving up in the world, ha), i see the.rapist tomorrow morning, get checked out at health services tuesday, so my emotional and physical self will be properly tuned up by the professionals by the end of the week. i just got tired of being a downer, and being all depressed, because really, i'm not. that's not who i am. it's just what happens to me sometimes. anyway. i have smiles. this is good. 1 comment|post comment

i'll whistle me a one woman tune [27 Jan 2005|07:05pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Rufus Wainwright--One Man Guy ] if ever i felt as though i was a significant human being, today those feelings were negated. the tables have been turned. instead of hovering around, not being able to connect with anyone, i felt that nothing and no one took notice of me--except maybe a couple of my profs. but socially, i felt ignored, unimportant, and insignificant--my presence was wholly unnecessary to everyone and everything else. it's a desperate feeling. i'm not sure i like it. in fact, i know i don't. i just feel like everyone else has someone that is more important or whom they appreciate more than me. i am no one's favorite, i am not the person that anyone wants to spend the majority of their time with. i guess i have no favorites myself either, but mostly that's just because i don't feel like anyone would reciprocate a desire to be together the majority of the time--the people i want to be with would rather be with other people. i don't know if this makes sense to anyone, but at this point it seems like whatever sense i do or do not make to others won't matter anyway. it's like i finally managed to stop hovering but people prefer me in my "absent" state and this pushes me back onto the hovercraft, regardless of my desire to stay grounded. i feel like i'm drowning. dying a silent death no one discovers until centuries later when the river dries up and all that is left of me are my dry bones. if anyone cares then, it will be archaeologists who will inevitably make false assumptions about my life because we all know bones don't tell about stories about heartache, loneliness, fear, pain or darkness. they won't know i died of an emotional implosion. 3 comments|post comment

say it ain't so [26 Jan 2005|08:52pm] [ mood | okaaay... ] [ music | going to try to cover a weezer song--me style. we shall see. ] i guess God doesn't give us more than we can handle. i thought that being sick on top of everything else would make my life hell, but life has been easier to tackle emotionally since i've been weakened physically. minus the sleeping and getting up--i always feel so much crappier when i wake up than once i get my day going. and sleeping is harder because i'm not a mouth breather but with all the sinus crap i can't breathe through my nose. but yeah so i guess with the physical to take care of my brain's too busy to be fucked up. whatever. i'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. i just wish it hadn't coughed all over me. post comment

i hate sick people. [25 Jan 2005|01:55pm] [ mood | sick. and pissed about it. ] [ music | my sniffling. ] which i guess means i hate myself. but moreso i hate sick people for making me sick. i was doing so well! so many people were sick and i was not! this is not true anymore. 6am: awake from a weird dream and start hacking, bad pressure headache, sinus pressure like a mother, and the dry hacking/not being able to breathe kept me from falling back asleep. i had planned to wake up at 7am to write a quick paper for my 9:30 class, but that didn't happen. i couldn't just suffer through a sleepless hour of "rest time" without meds, and i needed more sleep, and i was miserable, and i knew i would be worth nothing if i didn't feel a little better for the day, so i decided to sleep through my first class and go to my 11:00--i still felt shitty. infact, i've felt shitty all day. SCREW YOU SICK, INFECTIOUS PEOPLE! (aka, all of my friends) on a brighter note, i start therapy in elkhart next monday, and my dad's coming on friday, and school work has seemed manageable today. so i may get some stuff done. hopefully my sickness will not linger, because the folks at the on-campus coffeebar (java junction) want me to do another show sometime in February. So i'll keep busy, because the Vagina Monologues are starting up and i'm on GSWA steering committee now and so i'll be involved with that and other V-Day activities (but my valentine's day will be dull and boring i'm sure...) and then hopefully i'll be able to work again in a couple weeks. Maybe i'll wait until after spring break to start back. It's been really nice not having that extra stress on my life and schedule. We'll see. anyway, i just thought i'd give whatever would be the LJ equivalent of the one-fingered salute to contagious illness. so whatever that is:_____!!! post comment

i'm wasting time again. [25 Jan 2005|01:00pm] [ mood | i hate being sick. ] [ music | Jolie Holland--December 1999 (from lindsay's new folkie mix) ] You scored as Artistic. Congratulations, you scored Artistic. You're looking for the unique movie in the bunch. You've probably watched a lot of movies that nobody has ever heard of, and good for you. You also know good filmmaking when you see it. You just get it, no questions asked. Check out: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Amelie, Garden State, Lost in Translation. </td> Artistic 95% Drama/Suspense 75% Romantic Comedy 75% Sadistic Humour 75% Mindfuck 70% Sci-Fi/Fantasy 40% Mindless Action Flick 0% Movie Recommendation. created with QuizFarm.com the only movie of these i haven't seen is Lost in Translation...the others i loved. a lot. post comment

i am not here today. [24 Jan 2005|12:51pm] [ mood | nothing. ] [ music | nothing. ] today i woke up sick. nothing severe yet just sinus crap. i hope it doesn't get worse. i don't need to be both emotionally and physically weak/ill. there's only so much a body can handle all at once. i feel really out of it today. i need to sleep more, even though i have been getting plenty of sleep lately. i just don't want to exist sometimes. i have been getting all kinds of extensions on work from my wonderful profs but there comes a point where it needs to get done sometime. i haven't been functioning well. i haven't been functioning at all really. after i sleep i must get some work done. i must. i am marked as absent on the functioning human being roll call today. post comment

hovercraft [21 Jan 2005|07:16pm] [ mood | whee another song! ] new song. written wednesday night. here are the lyrics. hovercraft i'm floating on a cloud i'm drifting through a crowd i cannot touch base from my bubble in outer space but really i'm not so far away i can hear everything you say (chorus) lately i'm feeling out of touch i'm not around so much but i feel like i'm hovering so close eyes halfway closed to you the view from up here can be quite nice i can still look into your eyes it can get so cold being all alone it's too bad this hovercraft is built for one (chorus) i'm floating on this cloud could someone help me out i miss feeling the earth beneath my feet this pain i'm trying to flee won't leave me be (chorus) i'm floating in a cloud i'm drifting through a crowd 3 comments|post comment

[19 Jan 2005|03:32pm] [ mood | detatched ] [ music | TMBG from anna's iTunes ] my life is super weird. i feel like i've been a fat, unidentifiable blob on a hovercraft--going through the motions of life fairly normally but every now and again the hovercraft weakens under my weight and i get to actually touch base with the world--until i lose it again and go back to hovering, eyes halfway closed, barely floating above the swirling mass of pains, stresses and joys i know exist in the real world, if only i could stay connected long enough to experience them. mostly i don't mind hovering. i just feel so out of touch. favorite person of the day = john d. roth. favorite snippet of news = my dad is coming to visit me the friday after this next one. most depressing part of my day thus far = the voice teacher they set me up with sucks, is totally annoying, rubs me the wrong way, and i have no other options for teachers. it's also too late for the drop/add period to switch to taking another course for the two credits it would give me. money sucks. i could go on about this one but i have to suffer through another jim heiks chorale session. and then try to write a paper and finish a book. and have i mentioned all i've eaten today is one poptart? time to float away from this computer. that is all. 1 comment|post comment

why am i awake [17 Jan 2005|03:18am] [ mood | out of it. ] and why do i feel so desperately alone? 1 comment|post comment

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